Resolving Common Problems Intercultural Couples Face

Have you ever had the thought of marrying someone from another country?

Is having an exotic beauty as a wife, and having beautiful mixed children right up your alley?

While the idea sounds inviting, that’s only just the surface.

Interracial marriages aren’t just all about romance or beautiful wives. They also come with a lot of cultural differences to accept and challenges to face. Here are five of the most common issues you might face:

Family

Family drama exists in any kind of relationship. Mixing in with a family that’s not your own, misunderstandings and trouble are bound to happen. But marrying into a culture that’s very different from yours only elevates the issues

You married your woman because she makes you the happiest man in the world, and you expect to spend more time — possibly all the time you have left. But what you don’t expect is to feel as though you’ve also married her entire family.

Some cultures are very collectivist. You best expect her family to closely help you every step of the way. They will be very hands-on with family matters.

For example, they may help with taking care of your child by giving you both necessary and unnecessary pointers about child rearing. They may even become your financial advisers, and perhaps even relationship counselors. While their assistance can be very helpful, having too many people meddling can also make things more problematic and messy.

So, don’t blindly accept all their opinions. Know when to stand your ground, when to follow them and when to do it your way.

Gender roles

Early into the relationship, you might have experienced instances of gender equality — when she took the initiative to pay, or perhaps the first step to make the relationship official. But don’t expect this to continue for years down the road.

In your culture, gender roles may already be blurred. However, such isn’t the same with other cultures. They have more defined social structures, and clearer expectations as to each gender’s roles in the family.

So, don’t be surprised if your partner will prefer to stay at home, taking care of the house and your children, instead of helping you earn money. Most cultures have emphasized that females are the homemakers, rather than actively assisting in earning money.

Parenting approach

As parents, you would both want to raise your children the same way you were raised, and share values you have grown up with. Basically, you want them to experience the same rearing you’ve experienced.

For example, western parenting tends to be more laid-back, allowing the child to discover things at his own pace, and learn from his mistakes. While eastern parenting tends to focus on discipline, telling the child what he can or cannot do.

This can be a challenge, especially when you and your partner can’t see eye to eye in providing for your child’s needs. The important thing here is, both your cultures should be introduced equally, and don’t try to one up your partner.

Relocation

Should you choose to stay where you’re most comfortable? Or would you put your wife’s comfort and choice above yours?

As you’re starting a family, where you will be living and growing together becomes an important decision to make. Both you and your partner will need to decide whose country to stay in, taking into consideration available resources, the immediate family’s comfort and even the extended family’s opinion.

Being from very different parts of the world, the relocation process may require you to let go of your friends and memories back home. Homesickness can be hard in the first months after the wedding, and you can end up with resentment if not handled well.

Personality

Personality plays a major part in every relationship. Being a couple growing up from different cultures, you’ll likely have very different personalities.

But don’t worry, because it’s been found that most satisfactory relationships tend to exist when people have differing personalities.

This is because you will have a lot more to learn with each other, maintaining your interest with each other even years after your marriage. Seeing the world differently will also help you grow not just as a couple but as individuals, as you learn to appreciate and view the world from a different perspective.

But just because it helps you grow, doesn’t also mean it can’t break you apart.

For example, as someone from an individualist culture, you tend to value personal achievement and independence. But as someone from an eastern culture, a more collectivist one, your partner will tend to value group needs and codependence.

So, whenever you could be in arguments or fights, there’s a possibility that instead of addressing the issue, you would rather let time heal all wounds and keep things to yourself — being independent. While your partner would very likely prefer you address and settle the issue together instead of just letting it pass.

Resolving these problems.

Facing these issues may feel like a lot of weight on your shoulders. When problems come piling in, and it feels as though the world is conspiring for your marriage to end, it’s tempting to just give in.

But in all honesty, the solution to these problems isn’t very difficult. You can overcome all these if you just keep an open mind. Only then will you see that communicating, understanding each other and compromising for one another become a whole lot easier.

For example, you might have chosen to move to your country. Your partner and her family have all agreed to this arrangement. But as time passes by, she starts to feel homesick. Well, just because she agreed to it, doesn’t mean she’s not entitled to her own feelings. Understand where she’s coming from. Instead of discrediting her emotions, why not arrange a regular trip to her country?

Accept that this is your life now. Acknowledge that having a foreign wife will make it ever dynamic — always asking you to adjust, forever looking for you to understand. And in the end, all of these will be worth it.